It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
