Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Randomize
