So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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