I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
