First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
