i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
