I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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