so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
