I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
