Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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