I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
How does one acquire holy water?
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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