well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize
