WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
