There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
