Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
