somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
she peed on how many people?
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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