She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
