At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
