saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
