I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
