I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Randomize
