tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
