I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
