I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
