I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
