i just snorted my name. best moment ever
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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