yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
