This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
