i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Randomize
