I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
how drunk are you?
Several
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
