man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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