Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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