mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
