You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
