have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
