Got a toothbrush?
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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