if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
