I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Randomize
