My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
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