John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
