Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
