Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Randomize
