ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
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