I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
