I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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