Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
please come you make the beer taste better
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
