Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
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