"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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