On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
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