do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
did i walk over a car last night?
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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