i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
So apparently I’m into choking now
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
